Every chapter of my life has brought me a new focus.
- In elementary through high school, I played the violin and I sang in the choir so my focus at the time was music. I wanted to write music, my senior project was based on music, I researched composers, I did school singing competitions. During that time, I cultivated the biggest music collection because I wanted variety, I needed change in an instant. I still have it on my old Dell laptop.
- In college, I joined a women’s ice hockey team on my campus to meet new people. The flyer said No Experience Necessary and that was me in a nutshell. I’d never played hockey before, I never watched it live before, I knew absolutely nothing about the sport other than there was ice and skates. But it became my focus. I went to all the men’s games—partly because I had to work them the first year, I saw a lot of Chief and Silvertips games, I can probably recite all Mighty Ducks movies, I even have a favorite hockey team—they’re not the greatest but watching them makes me happy.
- After college, because I didn’t graduate due to personal reasons, I found myself in the world of books. I didn’t like my life or my world so I dove deep into people and worlds I liked. It caused a lot of friction between me and family members because during this time, I couldn’t leave the house. Well, I could, but not without a lot of panic attacks—so it was easy to read to pass my days. During this time, I wrote a book myself. So it became more of my focus.
I’m not sure if I will have other chapters in my life. I mean, I have my job, I have my boyfriend, I have my friends, I hope one day to have a family, but I also want books to be in my life because I credit them for saving me.
When I’m reading or surrounded by books – trust me, I’m surrounded by books as I write this – I feel a sense of safety I have never felt earlier in my life. With books, I don’t need to compete like when playing music or singing, or playing hockey. Reading isn’t a competition. Books accept you. And they saved me. They still save me every day.